Rargh I dont understand the stupid piece of worksheet Mrs Leong gave us. I dont even know what consonants are supposed to mean. =.= I'm not going to do the worksheet. Blehh.

My friend sent me these jokes and I thought its quite funny. But its kinda sick so if you dont want to pollute your mind, skip this part.

Dinner Conversation Went Wrong

Wife: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
Husband: "Definitely not!"
Wife: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
Husband: "Of course I do."
Wife: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
Husband: "okay, ... I'd get married again."
Wife: "You would???" (with a hurtful look on her face)
Husband: (makes an audible groan)
Wife: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
Husband: "Where else would we sleep?"
Wife: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
Husband: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
Wife: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
Husband: "No, ..! .she's left-handed."
Wife: (silence)
Husband : "Oh...Shit."

Get it? He just admitted he has a mistress.

Phone Call

"Hi honey, this is Daddy... Is your Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Oh yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy right now."
"Uh, Okay, then ... here's what I want you to do.Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled upoutside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?" he asks.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell down thestairs and she's not moving any more."
"Oh no...and what about Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool.... but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and he's not moving either."
**** long pause***
Then Daddy says: "Swimming pool ??? Is this 597-7039?"

The 'dad' just called the wrong number and caused the deaths of a couple he doesn't know having an affair.

The Code

A mother had three daughters and, on each daughter's wedding, she tells each one to write back about their married life. To avoidpossible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to use newspaperadvertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how their love lives are going.

The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives with a single message, simply: "MAXWEEL COFFEEHOUSE".

Mother got the newspaper and checked the maxwellcoffee house advertisement, and it says: "Satisfaction to the last drop..." so, mother is happy.

Then the second daughter gets married. After a week, there was a message that read: "ROTHMAN`S MATTRESSES".So, the mother looks at the Rothman`s Mattresses ad, and it says:"FULL SIZE, KING SIZE". And Mother is happy.

Then it was the third one's wedding. Mother was anxious! .After four weeks came the message: "SAUDI AIRLINES".

And mother looks in to the Saudia airlines ad, but this time she fainted.The ad reads:" THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS.

This is kinda wrong so if you dont understand, try not to.

Short skirt

On Orchard Road at a busy bus stop, a beautiful Singaporean young lady wearing a tight fitting skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height ofthe first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step..Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg..

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a littlemore yet again was unable to take the step.

About this time, an Australian who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,"How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Australian smiled and drawled, "Well, dear, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were already good friends!!!"

The girl didn't unzip her own zip, she accidentally unzipped the zip of the Australian guy THREE TIMES.

~Mrs.Kiryuu-Kuran